This is My Resolution

It’s been a wonderful weekend filled with activities as well as rest. On Friday, I went over to my friend’s house for pizza and a movie. We watched Something Borrowed (side note: Dexter is hot!) and discussed the issues of life while yawning every 3 seconds. It was quite epic. Really, I’m serious it was. You would have said the same if you would’ve been there.

Due to the previous weekend’s activities, I just hung around the house on Saturday spending time on my computer editing pictures. (Fun!) Sunday was more exciting in that my brother’s fiancée came down for a visit. We went out to Olive Garden after the Sunday night service and I had a blast talking and laughing with all of my friends. I’ve told you many times how amazing they are so I won’t bore you with another story (today at least). That being said, I already miss my friend from New York. I wish she could move closer so we would be able to spend more time with each other. I thought of the concert, the visit to the zoo, the time catching up, and the time playing Family Feud (I WON!!). My mind kept drifting back to that Friday night we had a heart to heart talk until at least 2:30 in the morning. I had asked her some questions and told her to be honest. Well, she was honest and it was so hard for me to take it in and not react negatively but I needed to hear it. She was right and I was wrong. The worst thing about it was that I knew I had to change these things for a long time but tried to hide behind ignorance. Ignorance only works if you are truly ignorant. She told me of what she had observed and I was grateful for someone to say “Hey! You need to change this to become better”. I have always tried to be an open and honest person and request the same for those around me. However, sometimes I’m too honest and that can create many awkward moments i.e. Straight No Chaser concert but that’s a different story. I don’t like it when people beat around the bush and hesitate to tell me what’s really wrong. Tell me I’m ugly, don’t say you have a beautiful spirit and great personality and maybe to someone you’ll be beautiful. I don’t tolerate nonsense for very long or very well. I believe my friends would let me know if something’s the matter because most of them are as open and honest as I am. That being said, when you are around the same people for a long period of time you begin to think that that’s just the way they are. For instance they might say this about me: She’s single, a music lover, a sarcastic person who gets defensive, very open about her feelings, and worries about what people think about her. I really don’t know how my friends would describe me if they had to, I’ve never really asked. That could create an awkward situation and I don’t want to knowingly create one. I’m so good at unknowingly creating one that I don’t want to push things. I have asked my friends if there is anything that might turn someone off from liking me. The consensus came back the same time and time again: No. That really frustrated me as I knew I wasn’t perfect and I knew something was wrong but couldn’t pinpoint it (I thought). I had covered all my faults with excuses and instead of changing them I embraced them as a characteristic of me.

Last Friday night changed it all. I haven’t seen my friend for a couple of years and have never really spent an extended amount of time with her since junior high or so. She had a fresh perspective on what was going on with me. I asked her to be honest and she didn’t disappoint. I needed someone to expose my true self and the excuses that I had used to cover it up. What was wrong? I wear my heart on my sleeve and I let small things get to me. As you know, that never turns out too good. Hearts are meant to be kept guarded inside of your body. When it’s on your sleeve, it can get crushed so easily and it takes a long time to repair it. The littlest thing could set me off into a flurry of negative emotions and it would take forever for me to regain my composure only to be set off again. I never learned. It was like I kept running into this brick wall over and over again hoping it might change into a door. As if you didn’t know, walls don’t change into doors. Walls are walls, doors are doors, and no matter how many times you hope for change, walls will still be walls and doors will still be doors. The moral of the story is: Don’t run into walls. You get a headache and you look stupid doing it. I know that’s very deep isn’t it?

I realized I needed to quit being so sensitive and quit thinking something was wrong with me all the time if someone didn’t say hi or shake my hand. I needed to realize that people have bad days and sometimes they don’t want to talk to people. I needed to quit letting other people’s happiness in relationships bother me. I should be truly happy for them. I needed to quit harboring things people said and analyzing every word and phrase. I needed to quit asking people what they think of me because it only matters what God thinks.

I decided I had to come up with a resolution. I took my inspiration from the movie Courageous a few months ago and absolutely loved it. They have come a long way with the acting and story lines. One thing that really spoke to me was the resolution that all the fathers took. Their resolution is a lot different than mine as first of all they are men and second of all they are fathers. Mine is for me (a girl…bet you didn’t know that gem) and for me as a single person.

I resolve that I will be pure until the day of my marriage.

I resolve to search the Scriptures daily in order to grow in the Lord and to become a better person.

I resolve not to be popular or famous but to be a better Christian.

I resolve to tell others about Jesus and the amazing works He has made in my life.

I resolve to not falter when life’s earthquakes shake my core.

I resolve to not wear my heart on my sleeve and resolve to keep it guarded from all things that seek to hurt and destroy it.

I resolve to continue in the path that God has chosen for me whether it lead me to marriage or to remain a single woman.

I resolve to think on things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and of good report as mentioned in the book of Philippians chapter 4, verse 8.

This is my resolution and before God I promise to strive for these things.

(You are more than welcome to use this “resolution” if your heart so desires.)

I am not perfect and it will take a while for me to work on these things but I am committed. Until next time,

Be Happy Being Single

Always Remember to Sing in the Rain

Christa

P.S. This blog has now received over 700 views!! I feel so blessed that I reached that many people. For your faithful readership, I will soon be having a give-away. More information is to come in the near future.