Quarter of a Century

It’s Been a Long Journey but I Have Been Blessed

Walking with Jesus I Have no Regrets

He is so Good to me I Must Confess

The Way Has Been Long but I’m Blessed

If you asked me at 20 years old where I would be today, I would’ve said married with two kids. I would’ve told you about my dream job of being a housewife. I would’ve told you how wonderful my husband would act and how dashingly handsome he would be. I had my whole life planned out. As the years have passed by my dreams have faded and reality has snuck its way into my mind. Things I had so carefully planned for never seemed to work and amongst all the kafuffle I lost a sense of who I was. I had given up my dreams only to replace them with doubt and pessimism. My 24^th year has changed my whole perspective on life. It started very badly with depression and end with hope and cheer. I still hold to the dreams but realize that life may not work out the way I planned.

As I look back, I realize that this year of my life was one of the most enlightening and enjoyable year of my life. I regained who I was and became confident in what I could do. I owe this all to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I cannot tell you how much He has worked and how much I have grown because of what He has placed in my life. Let me share a few things God has done for me during my 24^th year. First I would like to share that He answered my prayer in giving me a good, single friend that was a girl. I had known this friend for a few months and invited her to see Straight No Chaser in November. Since then we have become closer and she has helped me through those trying lonely times. Second, God has answered my prayer of why He wants me to be single. The reason is so that I would know that God’s grace is sufficient for me. I don’t think I will be able to ever get over that truth. No matter what comes in life God’s grace will always be sufficient. I don’t need money, fame, a husband, or nice things, all I need is God. Third, I have learned to be content with being single while learning to be lonely. I have learned to embrace loneliness as just a part of life and deal with it in my own way while not losing control. I rarely cry at night anymore and no longer beat myself up for not having a boyfriend. Lastly, God has given me a sister. This might not seem much to anyone else but to me, it means that God answered my prayer. God is so good.

My favorite memory of 2012 is a tie between the April weekend spent with my friend Miranda and the wedding of my little brother Joel. The weekend in April was memorable because Miranda came down all the way from New York just to visit me. I felt so special. We traveled to Toledo with two other friends to see Straight No Chaser. On a side note, if you ever want to see them try to get as close as possible. The price is so worth it. The next day we went to the zoo and later on the mall. Of course we had to stop at Chik-Fil-A for a bite to eat. It was sad to see her go but I’m glad that we were able to spend some time together. Last month, my brother got married to a wonderful girl. It was the first wedding in which I was a bridesmaid. It was an entirely different experience for me. I have attended many weddings in which I have been a guest book attendant or general whatever-you-need-me-to-doer. This gave me an opportunity to enjoy the wedding for the aspect of setting it up to taking it down and everything in between. This wedding was different in that I couldn’t help out as much as I had in weddings before because I was busy with my bridesmaid duties in between taking pictures and greeting my family and friends. I enjoyed it immensely as I got to walk down with not one but TWO guys. Ah the life of a single girl…it does have its perks every once in a while.

What is next? Well I will continue to serve God in any way that I can and continue to pray that His will be done. I am working on becoming debt free and if everything works out, within the next year I will have all debt but my student loans paid off. Within the year, I plan to move out and get my own place (with a roommate) to learn how to live independently. I will continue on the journey of losing weight. I hope to lose at least 100 pounds. Please pray for me on that as it is a constant struggle for me. Other than that, the only goal I have is to cherish each moment and grow closer to those who truly care about me.

My new motto for this year is God’s Grace is Always Sufficient in addition to Always Sing in the Rain. Life changes but God and His grace never does. Until next time, I love you all and thank you for your patience. I hope it was rewarded.

So remember readers, God’s Grace is Always Sufficient for You!!!

Christa

The Answer

Amazing Grace how Sweet the Sound

That Saved a Wretch Like Me

I Once was Lost but Now am Found

Was Blind but Now I See

It was Sunday morning a few weeks after my  life-changing moment had taken place. As my friends and I stood on the platform facing the congregation, my stomach threatened to get up and walk away. I tried my best to keep all traces of nervousness under control. Silently I prayed, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. I faced the congregation again and saw looks of anticipation. “No pressure” I thought to myself. A note was played on the piano and my friend started to sing the first verse of Amazing Grace. I struggled to keep my composure until it was my turn to join in the quartet. We finished the song and I felt such relief. I allowed my knees and hands to shake as I walked to take my seat in the congregation. As I sat there listening to the pastor’s message, I contemplated the words of the song we had just finished singing and the story of the man who wrote it: John Newton. A man whose story was marred by sin that turned into a story of God’s grace and forgiveness to man. I reflected on my life changing moment which also involved grace and at once realized what John Newton was trying to say. Growing up in church, I have sung Amazing Grace so many times over that it has become second nature to me. I became like a robot spewing lifeless words that vanished as quickly as they were spoken. I used to sing it without feeling and without reflection on how amazing God’s grace was. My attitude changed on that Sunday morning when I started looking at it like I was a human in need of God’s grace.

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be married. From the moment of the first wedding that I attended, I was determined to be married. Fast forward life until now and you won’t be hard-pressed to find a bridal magazine or two in my bedroom with the pages well-worn and folded over to mark my favorite bridal gowns. You wouldn’t have to search long on my computer to find pictures of wedding cakes, flowers, and bridesmaid dresses. My internet history would show a visit to various bridal gown sites looking for the perfect dress. I have had dreams (and nightmares) of what my wedding would be like. Sometimes I close my eyes and try to imagine every detail, every sound, and every moment of how my wedding would be. I had mostly everything worked out besides who I would marry. That’s always the last piece of the puzzle, right girls? Through the years, I have watched many girls find boyfriends who eventually turned into husbands while I sat by waiting for just one boyfriend. I have wondered what I was doing wrong that made boys shun me like the plague. All the while my self-confidence dwindled. At first I was too fat, then I was too sarcastic, next I was too unorganized, and finally I was too honest. I started analyzing my personality traits to see if they would turn anyone off. I started trying to shape my personality to what I thought the perfect guy would like. Surprise, that didn’t work I was still single. I then started to lose weight (and still am) and even though that is a very good thing, that didn’t work to bring a guy either. I tried to become organized in my life and realized that I hate organization. Then I started to hold back on my opinions and not be so loud or sarcastic. I found out that I was miserable and dropped that idea like a hot potato. Then and only then, did I start really seeking God’s answer. Little by little this year God had begun to reveal to me glimpses of what the answer is. A few weeks before my life changing moment, I fasted and God pointed out that I truly needed to be content with being single for the rest of my life. He showed me the example of Paul who begged God to take away his infirmity but God for some reason refused. God told me what I really knew in the back of mind as the truth. I wasn’t truly happy or content. It has always bothered me that I only could be truly happy when I had a crush or when I thought a guy liked me.

Two weeks later, God revealed the full answer to my burning question of why I was still single. Our church had revival and the preacher read this verse: 2 Corinthians 2:9 “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” As he started to preach, God started to work in my heart and by the end of the service my eyes were brimming with tears. I didn’t go to the altar that night because the answer I had sought was given. I heard His voice as clear as bell as if He was standing right in front of me. What did God say? The reason why I was single because I needed to learn that God’s grace is sufficient for me. No man, no human, and no amount of things or money will be sufficient. I needed to learn that the answer to my trial was not that God would grant me a husband but that I need to rely on God’s grace alone. I needed to be content and I needed to be truly happy without thoughts of a guy.

John Newton wrote it so eloquently in one of the lesser known verses of Amazing Grace “The earth shall soon dissolve like snow, the sun forbear to shine, But God who called me here below, Shall be forever mine.” My contentment and happiness comes not from this world but from God. He will be forever mine. I finally have found the happiness that I had prayed to God for. I knew that God had heard and God had answered my prayer. What a joy! At this point in time, I am not sure if I will be ever married. One thing I am sure of is that God’s grace is sufficient for me all the time. That’s a fact!!

As always,

Be Happy Being Single

Always Remember to Sing in the Rain

Christa