I’m waiting,
I’m waiting on you Lord
And I am
hopeful
I’m waiting on
you Lord
Though it is
painful
But patiently I
will wait
It was the day
of the company picnic. Many of us had worked very hard to keep the company
afloat from the recent layoffs in which 15 employees lost their jobs. Our CEO
decided that we needed a moment to relax and enjoy a break from the craziness
surrounding us. We enjoyed a lunch of slightly charcoaled hot dogs and burgers,
not that I complaining any free meal is a good meal. As soon as we finished, our
CEO started to read from a list of names. I anxiously waited for him to call
mine but alas it did not happen. He finished reading the list and excitedly
announced to those people whose names were just read “You’re going home early for
the day”. Half of the workforce was given a paid half-day off while the rest of
us (including me) were told to be patient and eventually something would be
figured out for us. A little bit steamed I headed back to my desk with my mind
filled with anger and complaints that I am not going to repeat here. Then the
phrase “therewith to be content” popped into my mind. God was showing me that I
needed to be content with any situation handed to me. Begrudgingly I swallowed
my anger/jealousy and made myself wish those people a good half-day off. I’m
not going to lie about how I felt and say that I enjoyed saying have a happy
day off. Sorry to say it hurt even worse to talk to them but I knew it was the
right thing to do. I eventually got over my jealousy and continued about my
workday looking forward to the weekend’s activities. Like my parents say life
isn’t always fair
So what does it
mean to truly be content? Webster’s Dictionary defines it simply as satisfied. Paul
wrote in the book of Philippians saying “Not that I speak
in respect or want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content”. Whatsoever state literally means whatsoever
state. Whatever stage in life I am, I must be content. The feeling of life
moving on for others and me standing still is something that I have to get used
to. It’s that plain and simple. It’s not because I did anything wrong but
because today is the day that God wants me to be single. Tomorrow I might meet
the man of my dreams or I might go to bed dreaming of the moment we shall meet.
Whatever the outcome of tomorrow I must remember to be content in God’s will
and trust that He knows what is the best for me. A song comes to mind that I
heard awhile ago called Trust His Heart. The chorus goes “God is too wise
to be mistaken, God is too good to be unkind, So when you don't understand,
When you don't see His plan, When you can't trace His hand, Trust His Heart”. When
you can’t see where God is moving in your life or circumstances, remember that
God loves you deeply and He would never do anything that would wreck your life.
It’s so hard for me to relinquish the fact that God will take care of it. I’m
so scared that I am going to end up with someone I hate. Why would I or should
I think that? God would never put me with someone I hate but I guess that’s the
way us humans think.
I continue to struggle with contentment as I have come to find out
that I am a very jealous person. For instance, when someone is recognized for
their hard work, the question “Why didn’t you recognize me” comes to my mind instead
of being genuinely happy for that person. When someone is chosen over me no
matter how innocent the choice “Why didn’t you choose me?” is the question raised instead of the fact
that they wanted to give that person a chance to do something. Some of you
might say that is natural but I say it’s a wrong kind of natural. I can’t live
my life being jealous of people. I need to live my life to be content with what
opportunities God provides. I can’t walk around moping because someone picked Susie
Q over me to play the piano. I need to realize that there are 3 other piano
players in our church and I need to (for lack of a better term) back off. I
must confess I am most jealous not about other people’s relationships but about
playing piano in church. There have been many (emphasis on many) times, I have
gotten very greedy and angry if someone doesn’t pick me or I am someone’s last
choice. I don’t understand where this comes from and I know that it’s not right.
I Timothy 6:5-8 states “But godliness with contentment is
great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and
it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food
and raiment let us be therewith content.” God didn’t give me the musical
ability to play the piano and sing in order for me to be jealous and greedy
over every little incident. He gave it to me to worship Him only. If I never
play piano for church again and if everyone else picks Susie Q over me to play
for their specials, then I must remember to be content. God entrusted me with a
special gift and I haven’t been a great steward about it. I must confess there
are many times I play the piano for my glory instead of God’s all because I was
in state of discontent. I wasn’t content to use my abilities the way God had
intended for me to use them. How could I be so stupid? What was I thinking? God
wants me to glorify Him and when I finally learn to do that God will open wide
the doors of opportunity.
So, today is the moment in time
that jealousy and discontentment stop running my life. Today is the day that I
will start to learn what it truly means to be content in whatever state I am
in. Today is another step in my journey of learning to be lonely by being
content with my present. Looking ahead, I realize it’s going to be a hard journey.
Looking back, I realize that I’ve come so far that it’s too late to turn back
now. Until next time,
Be Happy Being Single
Always Remember to Sing in the
Rain
Christa
