The 1 Year Challenge: Beware of the Me-Monster

"So Tuesday is good, right?" a friend asked me with inquiring eyes. I returned it with a look of confusion searching my mind to see if some tidbit of information had slipped my mind. After a moment of silence and deep soul searching, I asked "What's Tuesday night?" "You're coming over to our house!" she answered wondering why I didn't know. "Well, that's the first I've heard of that." I replied. Come to find out my friend and her family invited us over to their house on New Years Eve. Apparently my two brothers, my parents, and my sister-in-law all knew of this information and somehow this invitation had escaped my grasp. Slightly annoyed, I responded, "Sure I'll be over there. Thanks for telling me." In my mind, I was planning to have a discussion later with my mom on why the message was not passed on to me. Later, with an attitude that reeked of selfishness, I asked my mom why she didn't tell me about the get together. She responded she had and an argument ensued. I said she didn't and she said she did. I walked away from the argument annoyed and frustrated. Then it hit me, "Christa" , that little voice in my head called my conscience said, "You were being totally selfish." "I was not" I argued with myself. (Yes I do this all the time.) As the words came forth from my mouth, I realized that my conscience was right. How many times did I mention me? Why didn't my mom tell ME? Why did everyone else find out before ME? I started to reflect on the past few days and realized I had turned into a selfish little girl who wanted to get her own way. How many times had I mentioned the word me? Like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum, I had thrown one. Albeit I didn't throw myself on the floor kicking and screaming with every fiber in my body, I still had an inner tantrum. Who cares if my mom did or didn't tell me? The point is irrelevant now. I could have handled it better and I should have. I went back and apologized to my mom for my selfishness and attitude. She was very understanding and granted me forgiveness. This whole episode wouldn't leave my mind and I made a mental note to correct the error of my ways. It wouldn't be an easy task.

The me-monster had been given free reign in my life to do what it wished. It could buy what it wished, watch what it wished, read what it wished, and say what it wished. Other monsters called Jealousy, Envy, Greed, and Bitterness had joined the ranks and dominated my life. I had to take control and conquer the monsters. I asked myself if I had one year to live would I spend it arguing with my mom or family or friends over stupid petty things that I won't care about in an hour much less a day? The answer was a quick and sure no. I would spend it doing things for others. For after all, the memories wouldn't be for me they would be for my family and those that I love dearly. Those memories that can never be bought or sold. The moments in time that cannot be repeated. I can never take back the words and the attitude that I had but I can change. The change started today. Instead of thinking how tired I was from working, I made dinner because my mom was tired. Instead of griping on how much stuff I needed to do, I cleaned up after dinner because I was able to. Granted, I'm not going to be perfect but I am going to make a concentrated effort to control the me-monster in my life.

Are you having trouble controlling the me-monster? Start doing something once a day for others even if it is just opening the door for someone. You'll find the gratification is intoxicating! Look for specific things that you can do such as paying for the person behind you in the drive through's order, letting the person who has one item in front of you in the checkout line, crack a joke and make someone laugh, help someone clean up a mess even if you didn't cause it, or leave an encouraging card/note on a co-worker's desk. There are so many things that you can do. Start taking control of your me-monster, you'll be better off for it.

Until next time,

Be Happy Today
Always Sing in the Rain

Christa

P.S. The vlog will up tomorrow night!!! Will you be ready?

The 1 Year Challenge

Hey Everyone! Long time no talk...I've decided to get back into things. I want to say before this post that I have not been diagnosed with any fatal disease, received a vision from heaven, or think about ending my precious life. This challenge was placed on my heart and is intended to help me (and others) change for the better. On with the post!

The lyrcis of Tim McGraw's song Live Like You Were Dying played over and over in my head that morning as I sat at my work cubicle stunned at the information I had received. A lady, only 9 years older than me, had passed away. I was in charge of making sure everything was settled and the proper steps were taken to rectify any loose ends. I had never thought this was something that could happen to me. I know we are not promised tomorrow but when you are young death is the furthest thing from your mind. I wondered what I would do if I was told that I would die a year for now. What steps would I take? How would I live my life? What would I do? I began to ponder on this and decided to challenge myself to live the year of 2014 like my last. I did not want to leave any regrets or I should haves or I wish I would'ves. I came up with a list of things that I have always wanted to do but because of my procrastination and excuses I've made up in my head, I haven't done them. During this year, my goal is to complete everything on my list that I would want to do before I die. It's a little different than a bucket list of places I want to go, people I'd like to meet, etc. but more of things that I should do. My list is as follows:

• Maintain an active vlog and blog.
• This will be good for you guys!
• Write out a will
• Write letters to my inspirations
• Music, Life, etc.
• Arrange a piece of music from scratch
• Learn Jarrod Radnich's Little Drummer Boy piano arrangement
• Become debt free
• I wouldn't want to leave my family with expenses to cover
• Lose weight
• This is a weirder one but I don't want to be remembered as the fat girl.
• Make a Final Goodbye Video to those I love
• Volunteer time at a Charity such as a Homeless Shelter, Children's Hospital, or Ronald McDonald house.
• Spend more time with my family and friends.
• Make many memories and take a lot of pictures

There are other things I would want to do: Watch what I say, watch how I act, be more open, be more willing, etc but I think that would go without saying. I'm hoping that this challenge changes me for the better and I hope that you all will come with me on this challenge. Even if it is doing just one thing that you have been putting off because you don't have enough education or you'll do it when you have time or you don't have enough funds. Just do it! Stop making excuses and change.

Today I have changed. I have made this blog ACTIVE and as of the video seen below, my vlog is now ACTIVE! Now I just have to maintain it.

Vlog #2

P.S. I'll talk later next time!

See you next time!

Remember to Be Happy Being Single

Always Sing in the Rain

Christa

Crossing Off the Bucket List-Meeting Ted Dekker

For those of you who have followed this blog for a long time, you might remember the blog I wrote about my bucket list called What’s The Next Thing on My List. I should post an update it as I’ve done quite a few things on it. Unfortunately when I wrote it, I forgot to mention a few very important things I wanted to do. One of those was meeting Ted Dekker. Ted Dekker is a thriller/mystery/suspense/whatever-else-he-wants-to-write-about Christian author. You can’t put him in a box of mystery author because he writes thriller novels (very good ones) and you can’t put him in a box of thriller author because he writes some science fiction novels (not my style but good nonetheless). You just can’t put him anywhere besides in the fiction section maybe but then he wrote Tea with Hezbollah which is a non-fiction book but that was only one so I guess he would still be a fiction author (?). Regardless of what one would classify him as, he is a superb very talented author.

I found out about Ted Dekker through Frank Peretti. Don’t ask me how I found out about Frank Peretti because I’m not sure. When I was in Pensacola attending Pensacola Christian College, my friend raved and raved about this new book that she had bought. It was my first Peretti book called House in which he happened to write with a very famous author Ted Dekker. I feel in love with it. Note to all readers out there in internet-land: DO NOT READ this book at night! It was the worst decision I made. I felt that Barsidious White (villain of the book) was going to pop out at any moment during the night and slit my throat. The book held a grip on me which I couldn’t shake until I had finished it. It left me breathless and the only words I could force out of my mouth were “Wow…” and nothing else. I had to read more of Dekker and I had to read more of Peretti. My friends always went to a second-hand bookstore to purchase books for school so one day I tagged along with them. I went to the Religious Fiction section and there staring at me where ten or so Peretti and Dekker books. I was so excited that I seriously considered buying them all but contented to buy 2 of each author’s books. I bought Thr3e, House, Skin, and The Oath. All 4 are solid books. I started reading Thr3e and was impressed. Dekker was so detailed and took me exactly to the place where the characters where. I could feel what they felt, I could hear what they heard, and I could see what they could see. It wasn’t hard for me to become engrossed in the story. I could not stop reading it and had to force myself to stop and get my homework done. I finished the book gasping for breath and stunned at the turn of events the last chapter had given me. I felt like I had just been on a rollercoaster high of emotions that ended as suddenly as it started. Life was never the same for me. The more I learned about Ted Dekker, the more I enjoyed his books. My collection of 2 quickly grew into 20. Every birthday and Christmas, I ask for a Ted Dekker book. I dreamed of the moment I would meet him. Book tour after book tour listed cities miles away from me until one day I received the exciting news that he was coming to a Lifeway bookstore not 15 minutes from my house. I screamed with joy and was excited to meet him. I took my sister-in-law and 2 brothers (who had graciously supplied half of my Ted Dekker collection through my birthday and Christmas presents) and I met him. When I first arrived…Wait a minute, I think this would be better expressed in a vlog. Oh, look here’s one, let’s see what she says…

Isn’t it awesome not only did I meet the man who has inspired me to do what I love no matter what life throws at you but I held a conversation with him. No being starstruck there. I was so happy. Well there you have it, I crossed it off my bucket list…now on to making a new one.

Until next time,

Keep Singing in the Rain

Be Happy Being Single

Christa

P.S. There is a giveaway on Simply Singing in the Rain Facebook's page. Please like the page for details about our giveaway. Go on! What are you waiting for?

Seek Ye First

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and

His righteousness;and all these things 

shall be added unto you."

Matthew 6:33

There are times in life where I don't get what I want. I struggle to buy the necessities, pay my bills, and have some money left over for entertainment. I absolutely despise struggling through finances and having to watch every dollar I spend. I don't mind saving money but I hate the process you have to go through to save it. The research, the cramps from cutting every coupon, and the constant calculating all to save 4 or 5 dollars. Not worth it to me at all but I do it because I have to. If not, I'll go broke and spend every single dime I have and get myself deeper into debt then I already am. My worries and anxiety over the situation became worse until i began to have panic attacks about prices and unexpected costs. Weddings, birthdays, and Christmas threw me for loops and I scrimped, scraped, and saved to get my family and friends something. Yes I know it's not all about presents but I don't want to be the dork who shows up without one. I'm a giver and I love to give more than getting. I want to give someone that perfect present they would always use and remember. I'm all about creating memories. Most times it works out...sometimes it doesn't. As I struggled through these trials this year, I realized that something in my life was out of balance. Something was totally wrong, yesterday I cam across a chapter in Matthew that has revolutionized my life. It was Matthew chapter 6. 

The Bible records a discussion in Matthew 6 that Jesus had with his disciples about how to pray, how to live, and how not to worry. It was so clear and crystal that I knew God directed me to this chapter. It's so amazing how God works. It begins by Jesus telling us to not do things for men but for God. Don't give just so that you feel better or because you want to be seen but give because you want to give honor and glory to God. Then He leads them into what is commonly known as the Lord's prayer showing us how to pray. He continues by explaining to us to not worry about tomorrow because it's already been decided. He states that the sparrows and lilies of the field have what they need to grow and live but they have no master. Then verse #33 came into view, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." My heart heard a distant voice that I hadn't heard speak for a long time. It was soft and gentle yet it made my heart stop and my breath leave me. I knew at that moment God had spoken and have given me the answer to my worries and anxieties.

Throughout my life, I am ashamed to say this, I have not been a faithful Bible reader or prayer warrior. It was to the point were weeks and months would go by without me spending time with God and really worshiping Him alone. Conviction always drew me back to Him but I would stray very easily. I would get bogged down in a passage that wasn't as interesting or seemed to have no relevance to me and my situation. My pastor and other preachers would preach and teach to read your Bible every day. I would convince myself that everyone is different and not everyone need to do that. I would sometimes read because I liked the particular chapter I turned to, sometimes read out of duty, and other times to read to calm the raging storm of conviction inside of me. I would pray and ask God to help me read my Bible more and then lazily ignore any prodding from God. Yesterday, I read to get answers. God answered and this time I listened. It was good to hear Him speaking to me and the answer He gave was the clue to why I was feeling this way and what I needed to do.

The answer? I needed to seek God, His kingdom, and His righteousness. In my mind, I need to get right, start reading the Bible, and truly start seeking His will. I knew until I got myself right God was not going to bless me with finances, relationships, or peace of mind. He was not going to seek me because He knows where I am and I am His already. I need to seek Him. I need to read my Bible everyday, I need to witness, I need to worship Him, I need to use my talents for Him, and I need to take my troubles to Him. For so long, I thought that I could do it all but I realize I've been wandering around in circles going nowhere. How could I be so stubborn and rebellious? How did I get this way? I know how but it's too long of a story to tell here. Maybe in another blog I'll tell you. Yet the past is past and I can't change it but I can change my future. I determined in my heart and mind that no longer will I be seeking what I want but I will seek God and His will. I will be a better witness, I will use my talents for Him, I will read my Bible daily, and I will worship Him. For the Bible says, if I do all these things that God will give me what I need. Maybe I'll still struggle with finances but I can take heart in that God will provide for me. Maybe I'll still be single but I can have the peace that this is God's will for me. Whatever He wants, I want. Whatever He desires, I desire. I will seek the kingdom of God and life will never be the same.

Until next time,

Be Happy Being Single

Remember to Sing in the Rain

Christa

P.S. Like our Facebook page....click this link Simply Singing in the Rain Blog and like it for regular updates. Also, stayed tuned for a giveaway and Ted Dekker vlog next week. Cheers!

My Favorite Songs of 2012: Part 2 (Southern Gospel)

First of all today, I have an apology to make. I did not post the vlog about Les Miserables. I did vlog but it was more of me just talking about what I saw more than anything. I was not pleased with it at all. My deepest apologies. I regret to say that I disappointed myself as much as probably disappointed you my readers. I will make up for it as I did vlog about me meeting a certain influential person in my life. I will post that as soon as I can. Thank you and I hope you can grant me forgiveness this time...

Ordinary Man-The Kingsmen Quartet

The Kingsmen Quartet is one of the best Southern Gospel groups today. A few years ago I would have said differently. They have improved on their sound and musical arrangements. If you like, old-time Southern Gospel, you’ll like the Kingsmen. Ordinary Man is off their Grace Says CD which has a lot of great songs. The song starts out a tiny bit weird and has its “random moments” and I definitely would have composed a different arrangement but I’m not the Kingsmen. It talks about how all of us are nothing special but God still uses us (the ordinary man (and woman)). My favorite line is “I would never trade this peace to be a fool for lesser things. I’m rich beyond the wealth this world can hold.” It reminds me of I’d Rather Have Jesus. Despite the random arrangements, this song is great in lifting you up and reminding you of God’s Love. We are not anything special just ordinary.

I’ll Be Praying by Brian Free and Assurance

Brian Free and Assurance are my #1 favorite Southern Gospel Quartet (if you haven’t guessed by now). I would be considered a groupie (if there is such a thing in Southern Gospel) as I have been to almost every concert in or around where I live in Ohio. I’ll Be Praying for You is not my all-time favorite song but nonetheless it is very good. The songs arrangement is very upbeat but could be turned into a slow, reflective song. I like the upbeat tempo though as it reflects the purpose of the song: encouragement. The first verse of the song goes “Hello my friend is it alright, I just dropped in to talk awhile, Lately you’ve been heavy on my heart, I know that life has been unkind and you can’t count the times you cried, I just want you to know, you are not alone…” This song has amazing lyrics and I would play for it anyone going through a tough time in life. Also a superb job by the lead Bill Shivers on the verses. The unsung hero of this song however, is the bass Jeremy Lyle. The bass harmony he sings provides a nice contrast and helps to keep the song upbeat and fresh so that it avoids the “getting old and annoying” stage of almost every song you hear. Great song for those down times in life.

It’s Still the Greatest Story Ever Told by The Gaither Quartet

I am not a Gaither fan in the least. I do love the harmonies and sound of the quartet but I can’t stand Bill Gaither. He’s more about money and what sells tickets than just singing for the Lord and praising God. That being said this song is still a good song. Mark Lowry, a very good baritone (and comedian), takes the solo part in the 1^st verse. His voice is easy to listen to and he gives great expression in every song he sings. This one is no exception. His voice expresses the feeling that he’s sitting down with the Bible open in his lap reading the Christmas story to his grandkids. The lyrics of the song explain parts of the story that all add up to The Greatest Story Ever Told such as the last few lines of the chorus “…Mighty God and Fragile Baby, Here a lowly manger holds, And it’s still the greatest story ever told…” Very brilliant writing and arrangement. The story of Jesus will always be the greatest story of all.

Prior to a Prayer by The Perry’s

Prior to a Prayer was one of those songs that I always skipped on The Perry’s CD Almost Morning (which is another great song too) because I didn’t like the first few seconds of the introduction. Note to self and others: Don’t judge a song by the introduction! I still don’t like the introduction because there’s a weird chord then they just start singing the song. I would prefer a longer introduction but that’s just me. Moving past the introduction, the song is a great reflection on the hard times in life. Its minor key reflects the despondency of the situation the song writer/singer/listener is facing. It reflects the sadness and hopelessness one feels in those hard times. Then the lyrics and tempo changes to reflect on the answer to our situation: Jesus and prayer. My favorite part is the tag: “But when Jesus came, when I finally saw Him, no more burdens, not one little care, It had been different, so different, just moments ago, Faith was fading, just prior to a prayer.” It ends on an upbeat note and tempo that says you are not alone, hope is on the way, you just had to pray. The song is a reminder that in those hard times when you’ve lost all hope, don’t forget to pray. Amazing song and truth!!!

So there you have it, my Top Favorite Southern Gospel songs in 2012. Look for part 3 as well as my vlog soon.

Thanks Everyone! 

Keep Singing in the Rain

Be Happy Being Single

Christa

50th Blog Post

As I sat here looking at my piece of paper filled with scribbles, random thoughts, and crossed-out sentences, I can't seen to find the words to convey the feelings within me. I have started other blogs before but they have fallen by the wayside. I can't believe that this is the 50th post. It's been 2 (?) long years. Life has held some disappointments filled with exasperation and tears yet these things are more memories than everyday occurrences now. I have celebrated so many great milestones: There was my first SNC concert, my first Brian Free concert, the Perfect Man Builder 2012, and my birthday. There have been times of learning in the Learning to be Lonely series. There were times of regret with I'm Scared and Confessions of a Single Woman. Yet through it all, I have become a different person. Someone who loves more and is more content with life. As I write each post, I ask myself what I need to hear. Sometimes I end up in tears as I read each sentence and let the truth sink in. Funny but as I started writing this, it began to rain. Rain is such a wonderful thing. It nourishes the plants, trees, grass, animals, and even us. It helps us keep nature alive. It helps keep me alive. Without the "rain" of life, I wouldn't know how to savor the good moments. I wouldn't be as close to my family and friends as I now am. I wouldn't have grown or matured. Yet just when you think you've learned all there is to know, another storm comes your way carrying a new type of rain. A new challenge for tomorrow. In honor of my 25th year of lie and 50th blog post, I will be taking you on a journey. No need to pay for a ticket, arrange airfare, or book a hotel room. Sprinkled among my regular posts, I will be trying my hand at vlogging. Vlogging, you say, what is it? If you aren't aware it's video blogging. I've always been interested in it and have decided it's better to try and fail then to wonder what if. If I fall flat at least I'll know I'm a horrible vlogger. So instead of me writing all the time about my experiences like my SNC concert, Brian Free concert, etc. I'll be vlogging about it. Instead of writing it days after it happened I'll vlog right then. Look for the first episode soon about a certain Broadway play I'll be seeing on Saturday. There will be a giveaway with the vlog too. Well there you have it, the end of my 50th post. Nice, short, sweet, and to the point. Be sure to subscribe to my channel Simply Singing in the Rain...see you on Saturday!!

Always Remember to Be Happy Being Single!!
Always Remember to Sing in the Rain!!!

Christa

My Favorite Songs of 2012 (Instrumentals)

***My apologies to my readers for not posting anything in over a month. To be honest, I do not want to post something just to post something. My thinking is quality over quantity. However, I do endeavor to do a better job at posting in a timely manner. On to the blog…***

Ask anyone who knows me and you will find that I am a lover of piano. From the age of 5, the desire and burden to play piano was instilled in me. If you don’t know my whole story, you can read about it here on my post called A Passion for My Purpose. If you are an avid reader of this blog, you would remember I had written a couple posts about my favorite songs. I should have entitled it my favorite songs of 2011 since they change so much. That being said I have decided to go back and update some songs. What say you? I can’t! Well it’s my blog so I can do whatever I want to. No, I’m just kidding…maybe. Anyways, on with it…

Hatikvah (La Mantovana) by Jarrod Radnich

I first discovered Jarrod Radnich when The Piano Guys featured him on one of their YouTube videos. He played his own piano arrangement of the Pirates of the Caribbean Theme song. I feel immediately in love with his playing style and arrangements. I downloaded his Christmas CD Ornaments and discovered Hatikvah. Hatikvah or The Hope is a Hebrew song which is the national anthem of Israel. His arrangement of this song starts out very somber and a painfully slow tempo but then speeds up to more of a patriotic tempo. My favorite part is the octave run at 2:42. Any Israeli national would be proud to have this arrangement as their anthem. A superb and brilliant work by Jarrod!

Bring Him Home by The Piano Guys

If you don’t know about The Piano Guys, shame on you! No seriously, The Piano Guys are a group of super talented musicians made popular by YouTube. The Piano Guys consist of a cellist named Steve Nelson, a pianist named Jon Schmidt, and other videographers and sound dudes. Bring Him Home is a prayer in the play Les Miserables sung by the main character Jean Valjean. To get the total grasp of the song you would need to know the whole plot of the Broadway play which I don’t have time to get into right now (sorry) but we still can capture the essence. Jean Valjean is praying that his “daughter’s” love be returned back to her safe from the battle. The song is written for a high tenor but in this arrangement, the cello brings some richness and depth to the song that a tenor wouldn’t be able to provide. The last note is special as it is drawn out to create the feeling of longing for the prayer to be answered. If you just need to relax, it’s a very good song to listen to. A+ job by The Piano Guys!!!

Hymns by Anthony Burger

This CD is a masterpiece! Not only was it recorded in one session with no cuts these 10 or so arrangements truly work as one continuous, harmonious arrangement. This CD is a very good background CD when you are cleaning the house, hosting a party, or just need to chill. Anthony Burger hits every note with just the right amount of expression. These arrangements let the hymns speak for themselves as there are not a lot of fancy runs or jazzy moves in them. My favorite arrangement is The King is Coming. The harmonies and octaves just bring out the truth in the song and the placement of every note is perfect. Great work by a great composer/pianist!! 

Side Note: This video is not of The King is Coming because I wasn't able to find one that his arrangement. However, this my favorite video of him playing When We All Get to Heaven in many different styles. What a talented guy!!

1000 Years by the Piano Guys

Keeping with the theme of instrumentals, I first heard this song when I purchased The Piano Guys self-titled album. This song is special to me because it reminds me of a poem I wrote for my future husband. The lyrics state “I have died everyday waiting for you, Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years, I’ll love you for a thousand more.” The song was originally played in the Twilight movies. Never read the book or watched the movie so I have not a clue how it’s used but it’s a wonderful song regardless of how it came to be popular. Again the melody switches from cello to piano and so forth. The masterful thing about The Piano Guys is it they know what instrument would sound the best playing the melody. The cello plays the melodies of the verses creating the feeling of longing while the piano accents with the harmony creating a sense of anticipation. The piano takes over the melody in the chorus creating the feeling of hope and happiness while the cello creates depth and a feeling of reflection.

Little Drummer Boy by Jarrod Radnich

I know, I know Little Drummer Boy is the most repetitive Christmas carol there is besides the traditional version of The 12 Days of Christmas. Like the SNC version of 12 Days of Christmas, the Jarrod Radnich version of Little Drummer Boy is way more creative than I could ever possibly imagine. I was a little apprehensive when I saw this carol on his Ornaments CD song list but decided to listen to it anyway. Wow was I blown away! The creativity of each verse is astounding. The bass octaves keeps the tempo like a drum would while the treble brings new Celtic style harmonies to the old, repetitive melody. There is nothing repetitive about this song though, each new verse brings new harmonies, octaves, and chords into the mix. Variety is the name of the game here. Trust me, if you don’t like the traditional song (like me) you, you will love this version.

And there you have it my favorite instrumental songs of 2012. Up next are my favorite Southern Gospel Songs of 2012. Looking forward to seeing you guys again soon. Let me know what other categories to write on. Until next time remember,

Happiness is a Choice

Always Remember to Sing in the Rain

Christa 

Being Alone

You carried all the pain and buried all the shame

When You made that rugged tree

Your Righteous Throne

Because of You, I'll never walk alone.

“But Christa you’re not happy.” Those words rang in my ears like a bell tolling the impending danger of a storm ahead. I searched my brain analyzing every moment of every day searching for a reason to prove her wrong but I couldn’t find any. My head was in a tailspin and I could feel the wave of sadness sweep over me in a matter of seconds. My world had gone from perfect to shambles in a second. I felt deflated, disappointed, and vulnerable. I reached for the tissues and sobbed. I didn’t hold back the tears for I knew that this was what I needed to hear. It was hard for me to grasp and I’m sure it was hard for my friend to bring the news. Yet like the Bible says, Faithful are the wounds of a friend. I was grateful that she thought enough of me to say something. Enough to point me in the right direction and to wake me up from the dream I had buried myself into in. This was the second time I had cried today. For someone who was supposed to be strong and endure my former self was but a shadow and I was left vulnerable to the truth and the reality of who I really was. I was a fool. Ungrateful for the things that God had provided me looking only after myself instead of looking after my friends. My mind drifted towards the time I heard a friend was expecting. My first reaction? Anger and jealousy. As the scenes played in my mind, each time I heard a friend was being blessed with anything: money, job, marriage, baby, etc. my first reaction was anger at my situation and jealousy towards them. How many times did I have to make myself happy in front of them but alone be caught in the rage of jealousy wondering how they got on the good side of God. Wondering why God left me alone to watch everyone else succeed and left me struggling and fighting for every word of praise. I became disappointed in myself for acting like a 3-year old child. I apologized to my friend profusely and she reassured me that everything would turn out just fine. I could not change the past but I could change the future. She told me that happiness was a choice. I have clung to that 4 word sentence ever since. I began to meditate on it on its true meaning. Happiness was a choice not a feeling. You can make your own choices but you can’t make your own feelings. I determined to choose to be happy instead of make myself being happy. I decided to take control of my jealousy and stop making excuses for the way I had behaved. I was determined that nothing would stop me.

That was last Wednesday. Saturday a text came from one of my best friends announcing that she had become engaged. My instant reaction to be honest was mixed: some jealousy and some happiness. I said to myself over and over I choose to be happy about this, I choose to be happy about this, I choose to be happy about this. It was amazing to feel happy about a situation instead of jealous for once. I had no signs of depression, sadness, or anger. It felt good to free myself from it all. Later that night, I found out that another one of my friends became engaged to a guy that I used to like. Again my reaction was mixed but I fought the jealousy that threatened me and eventually victory became mine. It felt satisfying to not be jealous. A change came over me. I didn’t feel negative and depressed. I didn’t complain about my situation but instead was truly genuinely happy. As much as people tried to bait me in complaining I was determined not to fall into that trap again. Saturday night, I knelt down beside my bed and prayed to God for strength and happiness. At this point in time, I feel like He is the only one Who truly understands how I feel, how I react to situations, and how to help me. I still felt alone and I prayed that God would just send someone my way to encourage me and to let me know I was still loved. The next day was Sunday and my sister-in-law presented me with a gift of music note earrings just because. I immediately thanked God as my spirit soared and I felt so encouraged that God had answered my prayer. He really does hear and answer.

So what does this have to do with being alone? Glad you asked and glad you’re still with me. I am an independent person and I thought I didn’t mind going to concerts, the gym, shopping, etc. alone. If I’m determined to go I’m going. That usually works for one or two things then I get caught up in my surroundings. I see all the couples snuggled up together, holding hands, happy with their lives. Then I see all the girls with their friends laughing and joking. I see the singer devoting his time and effort to his love of music and savoring every minute of it. I used to react by getting depressed, jealous, and angry followed by the act of making myself happy. There was just one problem. As stated before, making myself happy didn’t mean I was truly happy. There always was an undercurrent of jealousy or envy or even anger. I thought that this was normal and that I had would have to go through life battling them at every corner and turn. Surprise! I was wrong. Instead of making myself happy I should have chosen to be happy. I felt the need to share this with you my readers because I feel that this might help each and every one of us married and alike.

Being alone to anyone no matter how independent is a scary thing. I feel that is the main reason why I don’t stick with things i.e. working out, diet, etc. is because I don’t want to do it alone. If I had someone who was willing to help me I believe I would succeed. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Not that my friends don’t want to see me succeed but that things tend to be forgotten and sometimes that means me. Because I don’t whine the most or loudest or because I don’t show my feelings as outward as some people means that I am forgotten in some cases. So that means that sometimes I have to deal with things alone. I get tired and I get discouraged. However, being passed over has brought closer to God. He has seen my tears, heard my deepest wishes, and gave me comfort during the most trying times. He is the best friend that I have. So truly I am not alone in this world and that is something I choose to be happy about.

Until next time,

Choose to be Happy

Always Remember to Sing in the Rain

Christa

Where's My Prince Charming?

Ah the holidays!! For most, it is a time for gathering with friends and relatives to enjoy each other’s company. There are presents to be unwrapped, kisses to be stolen under the mistletoe, lives to be caught up on, food to eat, and memories of the past to be reflected on. A person can get lost in the sight of all the twinkling lights and falling snow that greet you on every street. Christmas music pours out through every radio in every store and mall encouraging you to spend money on their items. The sappy Christmas movies of love and romance flow from every movie channel like a tsunami. Christmas and love always seem to go together hand in hand. The constant bombardment of movies based on love stories and songs sung about significant others can drag an otherwise normal single person into a state of depression and extreme loneliness. If that wasn’t bad enough, the annual family Christmas parties with the inquiring aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins wondering when you will finally get hitched are enough to push you off the edge. They mean well but after the 5^th person has come up and asked you it makes you want to stand up and make a general public service announcement that yes you are still single. The question is only to be followed by “I’m sure you’ll find someone someday.” What I hear? “I’m sure you’ll be able to find someone to deal with you. They won’t be able to find anybody else so they’ll settle and marry you.” Side note: Don’t ever tell a single person (especially one that has been single a long time) that. It is not encouraging. I sometimes feel that I’m going through last year’s clearance racks and all that’s left are the guys that are too narrow minded, too immature, too young, too old, too self-centered, or too obnoxious. The good ones have been taken/distracted by those skinny girls who are mini-fashionistas and who know exactly what part of their bodies to flaunt to get them. I’m left staring wishing I could have just what she has while being myself. I sometimes wonder if I change my hairstyle, my wardrobe, and my choice of hangout would really make a difference. I always reject that idea as I know I wouldn’t truly be myself and I’m most comfortable being me. No matter how many times my friends and family tell me I’m beautiful, I have a great personality, and I’m a great person to be with there is still that nagging voice in the back of my mind telling me that I have to change to be liked. If all these things are true, where is my Prince Charming?

I have been trying to answer that question for many years. How come I can’t have that special person? Why am I still single? What is wrong with me? The longing has never gone away and neither has the craving. That feeling in your heart that reaches deep into your soul that can’t be tamed with material things. It’s the moment in time when you would give anything in the world to hear someone say those words professing their love for you. It’s also the moment where we are most vulnerable. Everything no matter how innocent invokes emotions. A kind look from a wife to her husband or the sight of a baby playing happily with toys pierces your very soul with hurtful longing. A vague reference to someone’s husband/wife or the endless stream of engagement announcements on Facebook is enough to carry you over the edge of the cliff without much resistance. So we hide behind our walls meant to protect us from hurt but end up turning our friends away. The very people God placed in our lives to encourage us to continue on the road of life. Just once I would love for someone to come to me during these times and tell me that everything’s going to be ok and I’m going to make it through; however, the walls I place up keep them from knowing my emotions. Why don’t I tell them? No one likes that friend that constantly complains about their situation and is always a Debbie-downer. No one likes to hang out with that friend that is always unhappy. So I close myself off to only mention something rarely while the feelings are something I struggle with almost daily. I end up keeping my feelings inside of myself instead of releasing them to anyone including God. It ends up with a climax night of tears and anger. Angry at myself for keeping my feelings in, angry at life in general because it’s not moving fast enough, frustrated at the many times I’ve read in the Bible to wait when that’s all I’ve been doing, and sad because the night usually ends up without an answer. Even now I reflect on those nights and the whirlwind of emotions it brought and I can’t help but become embarrassed about letting myself get that far. Why do I keep it in? Where is he? The answer is simply put as I don’t know because honestly I don’t. I don’t know why some very good people are single in want of a true love when some other undeserving people have found their true love. I just know that I am in this place because God wants to make me stronger. My pastor preached a sermon a couple of weeks ago regarding a Levite family. Their job was to transport portions of the tabernacle from place to place. They weren’t the only family in fact there were two other families but they were all Levites. The other two families received wagons to transport the portions of the tabernacle they were responsible for. This family received nothing: no wagons, no horses, not even a wheelbarrow. In fact, God told them that they had to bear those belongings with their hands. Sounds very unfair of God? It sounds as He thinks of this family as dung and the others as the cream of the crop. My automatic answer was yes but as we continued reading the chapter God brought to light the reason why they had to carry those belongings with their hands. They were in charge of the altar, the Ark of the Covenant, and all the other very special expensive items of the Tabernacle. Now is God fair? I ashamedly say yes. In fact my thinking was reversed as this family was very special in God’s eyes. They were blessed with carrying God’s most holy things. I’m not saying I’m going to get God’s most holy man but I know God has someone very special for me down the road. Someday I’ll be able to write a blog post of my wedding. I’ll be able to share my story of how true love is worth the wait and how God good is to give me someone so special. I’ll be able to tell you that everything is going to be ok and you’ll make it through the journey. Until then, I’ll just keep remembering that God is good all the time and life holds someone special for me. I’m going to make it and it’s going to be ok.

So to you single friend, I would like to tell you that you are not alone in your feelings and journey. Not only is God with you but I am. You’ll be fine and I promise that God doesn’t hate you. In fact, He loves you. We’ll both be able to look back on this time and remark on how good God is even in the hard times.

Until next time,

                      

Always Keep Singing in the Rain

Christa