My Letter to Him

It has been a little over a month since I have determined to be single and be happy. I must say that I am more content with my life since then. I feel the freedom to be myself and less pressure to find someone to “complete” me. Granted, I have had my unhappy moments but I have had no moments with tears. There I have had moments of sadness but I have had no signs of depression. I don’t know why I did not make this decision long ago. Selfishness and pride have more than a little something to do with it. Wanting what I wanted and wanting it now. I despise people who act that way and I am embarrassed to say that I acted like a selfish child. That has been put into the past. I still have a longing for a husband but I am content to wait on God for that husband.

My friend told me yesterday that I would have that “Love at First Sight” moment I always wanted. I always dreamed that it would be just like Cinderella when she first met Prince Charming. They both knew by the end of the night that they were meant to be together. I hope I have that moment but if not it’ll be ok. My hopes and dreams may not be the best way. God knows the best way and I just have to trust Him to work it all out. It’s been so hard to relinquish that trust but I know my dreams are in safe hands. I trust my imperfect dreams to a perfect God who can make them more beautiful than I could ever imagine. This post is not meant to be a discouraging or a “pity me” moment but a reflection of everything that has happened in a month. I have grown so much and I realize that maybe I wasn’t as ready as I thought. God will bring him at just the right time. I am waiting…

Ever since I was in college in 2006 at PCC, I have written letters to my husband. I don’t know if I will ever give them to him as some of them are really discouraging and most of them are ramblings about how much I miss him, etc. They have been very therapeutic for me in that it’s helped me to remember God’s promise that he is out there. I am a very imaginative person and sometimes tend to see things that are not even implied or there so for me writing a letter to my future husband helps me to think of him as real person not a figment of my imagination. With the letter, I feel like I am talking to him, I just have to wait a little longer than normal for a response. I am going to give you a look into one of my letters to my husband. I am writing to him about this past month. I am a very private person and have more than once considered keeping this to myself but I need to make it real to me. Don’t worry, I won’t get too mushy or over the top. I’ll stop rambling and post the letter.

Dear Darling (side note: I hate the term “babe” or “baby”. Darling sounds so much better don’t you think?)

Dear Darling,

It’s been a while since I have written to you and I am sorry. Many things have happened so I will try to catch you up on all the details. In November, my friend and I went to a Straight No Chaser concert and had a blast. We are going again in April and taking a mini-road trip to Toledo with 2 other girls. I am very excited as I have new camera and I hope to get better pictures with all the guys.

Christmas and New Year’s Day came and went with little to no hiccups; however, it was a very trying time for me. Holidays always seem to bring the thought that you are not here with me but for now that’s what God wants and I must learn to trust Him. January was a very rough month as I had thought that 2011 would have been the year we met. As you know and see, it was not. I put a lot of worry and stress on my body so much that it was affecting my relationships with my friends and family and it affected my health. I was so sure that I would meet you but I was not on the same wavelength as God. On January 24^th, I decided to stop worrying and stressing about nothing and trust God. It is now February 27^th and I feel like a new person. I’m happy to be single at this time in my life. I still miss you and still long for you especially the times my music playlist brings up love songs but I am more content to wait for God to bring me to you. Maybe we’ll have that Cinderella “Love at First Sight” moment, maybe it will be a gradual falling in love, or maybe it will be a whirlwind romance. Whatever the case, I know you’re out there or I wouldn’t be writing to you.

My little brother has since gotten an engaged to a wonderful girl name Harmony. I finally have the sister I have always wanted. She is a wonderful girl and I look forward to being in her wedding. I can’t believe that my little brother is getting married. When you live with someone for 23 years you start to think you’ll live with them for forever. Then all of sudden you come to the realization that you won’t be living with them next year is something that sounds unbearable. It’s a big step for both of our families.

I can’t wait to plan our wedding. I hope you will be easygoing during that time because I have been planning this for years. I know that you are just what God wants for me. I hope you understand sarcasm and randomness because those two things are ingrained in my personality. If you don’t, boy are you in for a big surprise!! Wow! Anyways, this letter has dragged on but I just wanted to write you and let you know I’m still care for you and love you even though I haven’t met you yet. Oh last thing (I told you I was random), you need to listen to Maker of the Rain by Soul’d Out Quartet. It is a wonderful song and I would love to sing it as a solo but I don’t if I could get the courage to ask Steve. Anyways, I love you and look forward to seeing you sometime in the future.

Your Love,

Christa

There you have it my letter to him-my future husband. Thank you for allowing me to have a private moment. Oh by the way, you all need to listen to that song Maker of the Rain. It’s wonderful and it goes with my blog theme-even better!!

To the Singles in the World-Be Happy Being Single.

To Everyone-Always Remember to Sing in the Rain.

Christa

My Wedding

Over the past month or so, I have had quite a few dreams about weddings, mine or someone else’s. It might be because my little brother Joel got engaged to a wonderful girl last week. I’ve known about this forever. They are the perfect match for each other and I am really excited to gain a new sister (in-law). I’ve always prayed for a sister but my parents were not inclined to have another child so I had to wait many years. I know the wait will be worth it J Now that the time has come for them to plan their wedding, it will be my first time as a bridesmaid. I have been involved in many weddings as the Guest Book Attendant and Backstage Helper (for lack of a better term) but never in the semi-forefront. It will be interesting this time and exciting. I am so glad for the opportunity and I can’t to find out what my dress will look like. The thing I most hate about weddings is the critiques of the color choices and the dresses. Granted some brides don’t have the best taste but it’s their wedding and whatever they want to do they can do. This is the one and only time that I will give my opinion only when asked because that’s the way I would want to be treated. When you are a bride, the last thing you want is unsolicited advice. I will try my best to not be a bridezilla but it’s almost impossible to please everybody. Let me take you on a journey down Future Boulevard past Engagement Circle. Take a right at Wedding Avenue and you’ll see a church where a glorious wedding is taking place. Open the doors and let’s begin…

The Dress:

Number one: I do not want a traditional dress. Number two: I do not want to be forced to buy a dress that is ugly because of my full(er) figure. I am a plus size so I do realize that my choices could be limited but I am hoping to cut down a lot before the wedding. I joined a gym last week. I want to look good at my wedding and do not want to regret that I could have lost more weight. I want to be happy with myself. I have always wanted a ball gown but since ball gowns can make bigger people look bigger I have changed my opinion and would love an A-line gown. A-line gowns are the best at fitting just about any size of girl. I would really love a Southern-ball style dress with ruffles and bows. I would love something that Scarlett O’Hara would wear but just a bit more modest. Here’s a picture of what I would like for a dress and veil….

As I said, it’s not going to be your typical wedding dress as I hate traditional wedding dresses. Almost every wedding I’ve went to the bride has the standard silk skirt and bodice with beading and the lace “jacket” with some beading. To me that is boring. A unique dress might cost more but to me it’s worth it. Oh, yes I am wearing a hat.

Bridesmaids and Groomsmen:

I would love a Christmas wedding and have two ideas for colors: red, black, and silver or blue, silver, and white. I have yet to decide on one idea because (news flash) I’m not even engaged yet. However, I do know a rough idea of what I would like the bridesmaids to wear. Here’s a snapshot…

Do you like? I would also love for the bridesmaids to wear hats. If you know me at all, you know I love hats!! I am going to have a special request in my invitation that all the women wear hats. I think it will turn out great and it will put a unique spin on the wedding. I would also love my groomsmen and groom to wear top hats but that might be another story. I would love for my groom to surprise me with his outfit as I am going to surprise him with mine. So that would mean he would have to choose the groomsmen attire as well. Now this does depend if he has a sense of style or not but we’ll get to that later.

Music:

Yes I have most of music planned out. I would love to open with God’s Been Good by Legacy Five. Why? Because I think that it typifies my story and I know that’s what I will feel like on that day. Listen to it. It’s very good…

The bridesmaids would then walk down to an arrangement of A Dream is A Wish Your Heart Makes. Why? It’s my favorite Disney song and I absolutely love the story of Cinderella. I would love to have a classical guitarist play it but we will have to see…

I would walk down to Long Ago and Far Away. If you’ve never heard it before here it is…

Lovely isn’t it?? Then during the lighting of the unity candle or pouring of the sand or whatever we choose I would love to have So This is Love from Disney’s Cinderella played (not so sure about this song but let’s just go with it). Again, if you never heard it….

Then we would walk back to There’s A Place Called Home. This is from Christmas Carol the Musical and I melted the first time I heard it. Never heard of it before? Here you go….

Did you see why I melted now? I know I’m a hopeless romantic.

Odds and Ends:

For my bouquet I would love to have red roses and white lilies or white roses and blue lilies. They look so beautiful together and it would go well with both of my color choices. At the reception, I would love to have a CD or two or three of old love songs (carefully chosen by me and my groom) playing. They would be songs that mean something to us both. I would also love to have a magician at the reception. Can you imagine the entrance he could work out for us?! That would be pure awesomeness. The cake would be spectacular and I feel in love with this cake when I first saw it. It’s so beautiful.

Well, thanks for going on a trip with me down Future Boulevard. I hope someday that all my “dreams” will come true and I know that God, my family, and my friends will be there with me throughout the whole thing. 

Until then,

Be happy being single

Always remember to keep singing in the rain

Christa