Lay Aside Every Weight

If you asked me what my one superhero power would be if I had the ability to be a superhero, I would without hesitation say to eat without gaining any weight. Sometimes that thought makes me cringe, sometimes it makes me happy. It's no secret that I struggle very much with my weight. For me, I've fought and lost so many times. As I've said before, I am the queen of starting things. I start a diet, lose weight, and then for some reason I stop. I start exercising for a week then I don't. I do have some "minor" health issues because of my weight. I say minor because right now they are minor but in reality they could become worse. The hypochondriac in me is terrified that I will end my life early because of my struggle. This only causes me to eat more and the cycle continues. I know my family is concerned about me which have resulted in talks and gentle encouragement.

For me losing weight is not a matter of knowing what to do. I know what works for me but I refuse to do it. I have good intentions but then I get lazy. Instead of cooking meals, I spend money to order fatty, carb loaded meals. I know that it's all about portion control, exercise, and making healthy choices. I know that sitting on the couch or on my bed all night is not good. Yet, I still do it. Recently, I've been really concerned about myself and my habits. I've become concerned because it doesn't seem like I can walk a few steps at a quick pace without struggling for breath. There are so many things that I would love to do but my weight holds me back.

I was reading in my Bible one day and two verses popped in my head from Hebrews 12:1-2 "Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God." The phrase "lay aside every weight" stuck out to me like a blot of white paint on a black canvas. In counseling for my depression/anxiety, my pastor explained that the sin or weight that easily besets us is that one temptation that trips us up. To clarify what my pastor was counseling me on was how to live a victorious Christian life. As a person living with depression and anxiety, everything can become a worry. My pastor explained usually you become depressed or anxious about something that happened 24-48 hours earlier. I was quite skeptical at first but the more time went on, the more I am absolutely sure he was right (imagine that!). At this particular session, I was anxious about a sin I had committed and he was helping me not fall back in that trap again.When I was younger, it was lying. I wanted everyone to like me so I thought lying to make myself look better was the best option. As an older teenager (about 17-18), it came back to haunt me.

Getting back on track, I sat through the counseling session and wondered what my sin was. I should've focused more on the weight that besets you. The weight may not be wrong, in fact the weight may be a good thing. For instance, the weight that besets you could be finances, health, family, etc. Those are all relatively good things but sometimes they can get in the way of you serving Christ. For me, it's literally my weight and my health. I turn to food for comfort. I had myself convinced that I wasn't an emotional eater until this Saturday. Something didn't go as planned and I drowned my sorrows in an ice cream sundae with sprinkles, chocolate chips, and whipped cream. It tasted delicious but afterwards I still felt horrible so I ate a soft pretzel and some Cheddar Cheese ramen. I was not hungry in fact I was pretty full but I didn't "feel good". My food didn't take away that sadness or bad feeling I had though. In fact, it made it worse because I knew that I didn't need to eat the ice cream or the pretzel or the Ramen. I just needed to give it to God and let Him help me through it.

It's been on my mind all weekend on just how much my weight has affected me. I'm at a loss of what to do and how to start but I am trying. I know I will never be a size 2 person. I blame the German in me for that. I do know that my health needs work and I know that what I am experiencing in my body is not right. For those of you who struggle with the weight and the emotional eating, I get you. I understand how hard it is to give it up. We can do this together and it is a battle we can win with the Lord on our side. I will pray for you and (if you like) you can pray for me. Our emotions are wonderful gifts from God but we must put them in the proper place. You are going to feel bad but it only lasts for a few moments. Concentrate on something else that will lift up your spirits: your favorite Bible passage, a funny movie, an uplifting song, etc. Whatever it is, resist the urge to fill that void with food. It only makes it worse. I will leave you with this quote from Arnold Glasgow "Your body is the baggage you must carry through life. The more excess the baggage, the shorter the trip." Let's do this!

Until next time,

Be happy!
Sing in the Rain

Christa

Tasty Tuesdays: Dollar Tree Meal

***NEW SERIES ANNOUNCEMENT***
Starting today, Tuesdays will now feature a series entitled Tasty Tuesdays. Saturdays will continue to be a potpourri category.

Some of my favorite YouTube videos to watch are Dollar Tree recipes, hauls, and crafts. I'm absolutely in love with the creativity required to make things work on a budget. I am a avid lover of e the Dollar Tree. I usually find some great teacher materials, last minute birthday cards and gift bags, and for even finding overstock/discontinued makeup items. I have never really purchased any food items from the Dollar Tree besides the random box of candy or gum. I have been super curious what exactly would happen so I thought a blog series would create the perfect opportunity to try out some of their offerings. I had heard they recently added steak to their food line and I was super curious to try that out. Without further adieu, I present to you Steak Alfredo with only Dollar Tree ingredients.

Here is my food haul:

Starting from the bottom (now we're here) and going clockwise, I bought:

• 1 loaf of Garlic Bread-$1
• 1 box of Spaghetti-$1
• 1 jar of Prego Alfredo Sauce-$1
• 1 jar of Minced Garlic-$1
• 1 Sea Salt Grinder-$1
• 1 Pepper Grinder-$1
• 1 Container of Grated Cheese Topping-$1
• 1 jar of Mushrooms-$1
• 1 bag of Broccoli Cuts-$1
• 1 Package of Ribeye Steak-$1

To prepare the steak, I seasoned it with salt, pepper, and some of the minced garlic. The salt and pepper containers where made with very inexpensive plastic and the salt grinder ended up quitting on me halfway through. I did some jimmying and it worked ok after that. The pepper shaker worked well though. I fried the steak in a dry pan because I wasn't able to purchase any olive oil. They did have some there but I thought the steak would be pretty fatty due to the low price of $1; however it was pretty lean. It was an awful brown color though and the package stated it was mechanically tenderized. Sounded and looked quite concerning.

It did brown up nicely though. I was planning on using the fat from the steak to fry the mushrooms and the broccoli to give them extra flavor but there was very little fat left. I ended up dumping the whole jar of mushrooms and package of frozen broccoli in the pan. Since these were jarred mushrooms, I used the juice to help keep the food from sticking and to pick up those crusty bits of steak in the bottom. After all, the chefs say that's were the flavor is. I seasoned the vegetables with salt, pepper, and minced garlic. One way to bulk up a meal to use a lot of vegetables. Vegetables can be so tasty but easy on the budget if you don't have enough money for meat.

For the sauce, I poured it into a pan to heat up and added pepper, garlic and grated cheese topping. 

The texture of the grated cheese topping considered me as it did not smell or look like Parmesan cheese in which I am used to. It's almost a crime in my house to have pasta but no Parmesan cheese.

If you are curious, here is the list of ingredients:

I boiled the water for spaghetti and seasoned it with salt. This is when my salt shaker decided to take a break. I had to twist the cap a couple of times back and forth to get it to work. I think the salt crystals were too large for the grinder and ended up getting stuck. It was also pretty annoying to have to grind my salt into the pasta water. It took forever to get it right. I'm just used to scooping up some Kosher salt from our regular salt bowl.

The garlic bread was easy, preheat the oven to 400 degrees, place it on a tray and cook for 8 minutes. 

After the spaghetti was done (I like mine al dente), I scooped out a cup of pasta water and poured it in the sauce. Pasta water gives extra flavor and helps the sauce stick to the pasta. I then combined the sauce and vegetables with the pasta. The can of alfredo sauce would have been enough to cover the pasta but it was pretty thick and I prefer more thin sauces. If you prefer thicker sauces, add less pasta water.

I plated the pasta and vegetables and then cut up the steak and placed it on top of the pasta. I was afraid it would've gotten lost in the spaghetti and I would have to launch a treasure hunt for it. I then topped the pasta with the grated cheese topping.

Here is the meal plated up:

How does it stack up?

Against all alfredo dishes that I've had, this was probably the worst. The meat, vegetables, pasta, and bread were pretty tasty. The sauce was the culprit and was pretty atrocious. It had that nasty canned taste and needed some herbs spice, and some dairy. If the Dollar Tree had milk in stock, that would have greatly helped. I know they have their own brands of dairy products but my Dollar Tree's refrigeration coolers were out of order so no dairy products for me. The meat had a great flavor and I honestly couldn't taste the difference between that steak and ones I regularly buy from Kroger.

Score:

6/10

All in all this meal was decent and filled me up. The meat, vegetables, and bread had good flavor. Unfortunately the sauce ruined the whole dish. I do have to say though my digestive system did not do well with the meat. 

Let me know your Dollar Tree tricks and tips. What meal would you like to see next?

Happy Tasty Tuesday!

Christa

I Just Don't Feel Like It....

The past month of August has been a treacherous sea to navigate for my little boat. Everything in life seems to hit at once: all the good, all the bad, and all the in-between stuff like laundry and cleaning that gets shoved into little pockets of unspoken-for time. If you haven't heard yet, I'm single so everything that needs to be done in my life falls on me. I have to make supper, I have to work to pay the rent, I have to feed the bottomless stomach of my cat, etc. I do have a roommate with whom I share the rent bill, cleaning chores, cat feedings, and sometimes a supper or two with which does help when it's all said and done. For the most part though, it all starts and ends with me.

There have been many days in this month of August that I have just sat myself down and said, "I don't feel like _____ (fill-in-the-blank)." Yet I look out from the couch or my bed and see piles of laundry and dishes that need washing, an ever-growing Pinterest board of craft ideas, and a diary that has laid dormant for just about a year. I am the queen of starting projects and not finishing them. At the present time, I have a patio set of furniture on my balcony that needs sanded down and re-painted and I just haven't felt like doing it so I haven't.  Part of it stems from an old back injury that recently flared up because I decided to wear a pair of very high heels all day. Good job Christa! Part of it is because who wants to sit on the balcony on a steaming hot day sanding metal. Not me! The other part of it is because my mental capacity at the end of the workday has been drained. I really don't have the energy to focus on anything but eating dinner and going to bed right now. More on that in another blog post.

I have really challenged myself this year to step up in the ministries of my church. Along with my current job, I am the part-time hospitality director of my church, Pee-Wee club teacher, Christmas Play director, nursery worker, Sunday night piano player, special music soloist, substitute Sunday School teacher, and in general church member. Whew! In the midst of the church goings-on, I restarted my blog and my work has become extra taxing in the last month.  The thing is I know I am busy. I know I have a lot to do. I also know that I'm not the type to sit on my hands and say someone should, someone needs to, if someone would just, etc. Yet in June of this year, I was that person. The one who wanted to just get in my car and drive far away to Seattle. I always pick Seattle because when I was younger I wanted to run away at age 18 (I didn't btw) and Seattle looked like a good place. I didn't feel like doing anything else in church, I didn't feel like going to work anymore, and I didn't feel like I wanted to stay in Ohio.

In May of this year, I was given the opportunity to apply for two jobs in Texas. My company is based there and the positions offered were basically my two dream jobs. One dealt with employee engagement while the other was for an Executive Admin Assistant. I interviewed for the employee engagement on first and was eventually told I didn't get the job. That was ok though because I had the opportunity for the other job. This was the one I felt God was leading me too. I asked my family and a few friends to pray. I really felt that God would answer my prayer and I would be moving to Texas soon! Yes I'd leave my friends, family, church, and everything else behind but what an exciting time in life! I've always wanted to live out on my own and I felt that this was the ultimate test. I was willing to give up everything for that dream job. The interviews went smashingly well. After 3 weeks, the e-mail came... I still remember it. They had decided to go with someone else and I wasn't given the position. I was absolutely devastated as I called my mom in tears. I tried to put on a brave face but I know my mom knew how much it hurt. I really wanted it. I really felt that God was leading me. I started to beat myself up for reading the clues wrong, for not working harder, and for only getting an Associates Degree. How stupid could I have been to believe that they would've picked me?!

It all accumulated into June and my heart went out of all ministries in my church. You see I was mentally preparing myself to say goodbye and I had prepared myself so much that I didn't care anymore. I felt like walking into my pastor's office and saying I quit! I quit because all of this hard work and prayer has gotten me nowhere! Yet I couldn't bring myself to do it so I just floated in my little boat acting like I was ok. I just didn't feel like doing anything.

I have a friend who deals with lupus (an autoimmune disease) and many other ailments. In the midst of my life crisis, she posted a glimpse into her daily life and it broke my heart. She lives with daily excruciating pain yet still manages to work, serve in her church, and love on her family. Conviction struck my heart like a knife. I literally gasped when I read her post. Here I am, a mostly healthy person...mad at the world acting like a 2 year old because I didn't get something I wanted. I'm not saying I shouldn't have been disappointed or I shouldn't have cried but I certainly shouldn't have stopped serving God. It was then I decided that I was going to do everything I could to live the abundant life and what better way to start than in the ministry. She didn't do it to "school" others, she meant it for encouragement. Boy did it encourage me. I happy to say as of this week the Christmas play practice is going well, my blog is doing great, and Pee-Wee had a smooth start on Wednesday. God has truly provided and I am blessed.

For you my friends, blog readers, and followers..I want to pass the encouragement on to you. You may not have lots of time but you can do something. All of us are aware that life doesn't deal with us fairly and it sure gets in our way when we want to accomplish our goals. Failure tends to discourage us from doing new things and trying new ways. Don't be discouraged by failure's bumps and dips. Press on! I'll leave you with a quote Edward Everett Hale that says it best, "I am only one but I am one. I can't do everything but I can do something. The something I ought to do, I can do. And by the grace of God, I will."

Until Next Time,
Be Happy
Sing in the Rain

Christa

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Then It All Came Tumbling Down...

Welcome back to Simply Singing in the Rain! So many things have happened over the course of these 4 years and I don't know how to quite put them on paper or convey them via blog. Around February of this year, I started to wonder what would happen if I restarted this blog. I had ended abruptly in July of 2014 with a lighthearted post about visiting my relatives in New York. It was a great time of catch-up, barbecues, and fireworks. To be honest, I'm not sure why I really stopped blogging. I enjoyed it very much and I was learning so much about myself through it.

Let's reminisce about the year 2014... I had lost my job in February and did not get a new temp-to-hire one until May. Come September, I moved out of my parent's house into an 800 sq feet apartment with my older brother and the neighbor from hell next door. Yet all through these (and more) trials of life, I determined to stay positive and be thankful. After all, I had a decent job, good friends, a new (to me) car and freedom to go wherever and whenever the urge hit.

Then November rolled around. It started off pretty decent. I traveled with some friends to a concert in Bloomington, IN. It was just a 24 hr thing and I loved it! I absolutely love traveling and being that November is my birth month, I always tried to do something spontaneous and different. It all came to a screeching halt that 2nd week. I don't know if anyone remembers but in my last post I had briefly mentioned getting to spend time with my Babchi (Polish for Grandma). I had mentioned she wasn't doing well. Well, she was doing even worse and had to be placed in the hospital. We knew that her time on earth was drawing to a close and didn't think she would last the year. We were praying and hoping she wouldn't pass away near the holidays for my mother's (and ours) sake. On November 16, 2014, the Lord called my Babchi's name and took her home to be with Him forever. I was happy to not see her suffering and in any pain but oh did I miss her. It turned my world upside down. I thought I was prepared but it turns out I had just shoved that pain into a closet to be dealt with later.

Well, later came a-knocking on my door and when I opened it, everything came tumbling down. The walls of safety and protection I had carefully constructed just collapsed. My mind didn't know how to process so much information. It felt like I was the pinball in a pinball machine bouncing from side to side. What was happening to me? I now believe I had a nervous breakdown. Panic swooped in like a bird of prey attacking it's next meal. I couldn't get out of it. No matter where I turned there was fear and it controlled EVERY aspect of my life. Constant panic attacks wouldn't afford me much sleep and no sleep escalated my panic attacks. I was caught. Every waking moment, I was so afraid to breathe. There were no more walls...there was no more safety.

Today, a little over four years later, I remember those days with a heavy heart and saddened mind. It was only through the strength of God, the support of my family and friends, consistent counseling, medication, and prayer that I made it through. One of my good mentors from church told me that it would take a long time to heal and recover. I was thinking months and she meant years. She was right. She told me that this was something I would have to deal with the rest of my life and I thought maybe a few years. I'm not at the end of my life yet (I hope) but I know she is right. Anxiety is stacked deck.

"So what is the meaning of the post, Christa? I'm glad you got through it but what does this have to do with me?" To be frank, I'm not sure but this is what has been on my heart to write. I never really shared this story in full with anyone but a few trusted individuals yet I know there some out there who needed this. You are not alone. I've been there and quite frankly I'm still there. The panic attacks have stopped and I plan on getting a good night's sleep tonight but I know the fear is just right beyond the edges of my mind. It's waiting for the right moment to charge and break down my wall of safety. Sometimes it's sunny out and I can see it...other times it's quite dark and I lose sight of it. One thing this whole experience has taught me is to enjoy life and don't let the fear of being alone, the unknown, etc get in your way. Go live life and live life abundantly! I know it's cliche but before all this anxiety happened, I would just sit in my room like a bump on a log waiting for Prince Charming to come bounding in and whisk me away to a foreign land. Well, that hasn't happened. So quit waiting for the perfect moment or perfect person. Go take that trip! Go climb that mountain! Go skydiving! It will change your world.

Closing Thought: In each life, a little rain must fall. It must fall for the flowers to grow, the food to sprout, and the rivers to flow. Without rain, how special would a bright sunny day be?

Until next time,
Be Happy
Sing in the Rain

Christa