"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and
His righteousness;and all these things
shall be added unto you."
Matthew 6:33
There are times in life where I don't get what I want. I struggle to buy the necessities, pay my bills, and have some money left over for entertainment. I absolutely despise struggling through finances and having to watch every dollar I spend. I don't mind saving money but I hate the process you have to go through to save it. The research, the cramps from cutting every coupon, and the constant calculating all to save 4 or 5 dollars. Not worth it to me at all but I do it because I have to. If not, I'll go broke and spend every single dime I have and get myself deeper into debt then I already am. My worries and anxiety over the situation became worse until i began to have panic attacks about prices and unexpected costs. Weddings, birthdays, and Christmas threw me for loops and I scrimped, scraped, and saved to get my family and friends something. Yes I know it's not all about presents but I don't want to be the dork who shows up without one. I'm a giver and I love to give more than getting. I want to give someone that perfect present they would always use and remember. I'm all about creating memories. Most times it works out...sometimes it doesn't. As I struggled through these trials this year, I realized that something in my life was out of balance. Something was totally wrong, yesterday I cam across a chapter in Matthew that has revolutionized my life. It was Matthew chapter 6.
The Bible records a discussion in Matthew 6 that Jesus had with his disciples about how to pray, how to live, and how not to worry. It was so clear and crystal that I knew God directed me to this chapter. It's so amazing how God works. It begins by Jesus telling us to not do things for men but for God. Don't give just so that you feel better or because you want to be seen but give because you want to give honor and glory to God. Then He leads them into what is commonly known as the Lord's prayer showing us how to pray. He continues by explaining to us to not worry about tomorrow because it's already been decided. He states that the sparrows and lilies of the field have what they need to grow and live but they have no master. Then verse #33 came into view, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." My heart heard a distant voice that I hadn't heard speak for a long time. It was soft and gentle yet it made my heart stop and my breath leave me. I knew at that moment God had spoken and have given me the answer to my worries and anxieties.
Throughout my life, I am ashamed to say this, I have not been a faithful Bible reader or prayer warrior. It was to the point were weeks and months would go by without me spending time with God and really worshiping Him alone. Conviction always drew me back to Him but I would stray very easily. I would get bogged down in a passage that wasn't as interesting or seemed to have no relevance to me and my situation. My pastor and other preachers would preach and teach to read your Bible every day. I would convince myself that everyone is different and not everyone need to do that. I would sometimes read because I liked the particular chapter I turned to, sometimes read out of duty, and other times to read to calm the raging storm of conviction inside of me. I would pray and ask God to help me read my Bible more and then lazily ignore any prodding from God. Yesterday, I read to get answers. God answered and this time I listened. It was good to hear Him speaking to me and the answer He gave was the clue to why I was feeling this way and what I needed to do.
The answer? I needed to seek God, His kingdom, and His righteousness. In my mind, I need to get right, start reading the Bible, and truly start seeking His will. I knew until I got myself right God was not going to bless me with finances, relationships, or peace of mind. He was not going to seek me because He knows where I am and I am His already. I need to seek Him. I need to read my Bible everyday, I need to witness, I need to worship Him, I need to use my talents for Him, and I need to take my troubles to Him. For so long, I thought that I could do it all but I realize I've been wandering around in circles going nowhere. How could I be so stubborn and rebellious? How did I get this way? I know how but it's too long of a story to tell here. Maybe in another blog I'll tell you. Yet the past is past and I can't change it but I can change my future. I determined in my heart and mind that no longer will I be seeking what I want but I will seek God and His will. I will be a better witness, I will use my talents for Him, I will read my Bible daily, and I will worship Him. For the Bible says, if I do all these things that God will give me what I need. Maybe I'll still struggle with finances but I can take heart in that God will provide for me. Maybe I'll still be single but I can have the peace that this is God's will for me. Whatever He wants, I want. Whatever He desires, I desire. I will seek the kingdom of God and life will never be the same.
Until next time,
Be Happy Being Single
Remember to Sing in the Rain
Christa
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