Learning To Be Lonely Part One: Dealing with the Loneliness

Child of the wilderness

Born into emptiness

Learn to be lonely

Learn to find your way in darkness

The Phantom of the Opera is one of the most classic love stories of all time. If you’ve never seen it, the movie/Broadway play is about a woman named Christine who is caught between two lovers: one whom she loves (Raul) and one whom is infatuated with her (the Phantom).  I won’t ruin the ending for you but the choice is clear to me who she should have chosen to marry. Unfortunately, he didn’t make that choice and I was thoroughly disappointed in her decision making skills. Anyways, the song Learn to be Lonely is played during the credits for the movie (not the play). This song has been in my head all day especially the first verse. I never grasped the meaning of the song until inspiration hit me. Before I continue, I wanted to say that I know it’s been a long absence from when I wrote my last post but to tell the truth I didn’t have anything to write besides sadness. This blog isn’t meant for sadness and I realize I am not accomplishing what I intended too when I first started this blog. No one wants to read about my depressing days. I don’t even want to read about them. So I apologize from the deepest depths of my heart on this. I took the time off from blogging to refocus and gain inspiration from my family, God, and music. To be honest, I missed blogging but it was important for me to refocus. Hence this post...now back to the song. Here are a few facts about loneliness: A 2006 study from American Sociological Review  showed that Americans have on average 2 close friends and also showed that 25% of Americans stated that they had no close friends. That is sad to me. Everyone should have that one friend in whom they can confide in. If you don’t have that, life can be very difficult. It’s a fact that humans don’t want to be alone. There is something inside of us that makes us want to be around people. Maybe it’s because we don’t want to face ourselves; maybe it’s because everything is more fun with people. For each of us, it’s different and we all have to answer the question within ourselves of what makes us lonely. For me, it’s when I feel like life is flying by for other people but drags on for me. Is there an answer? Unfortunately, there is no open and shut case, no definitive answer, and no foolproof solution. Loneliness has no concern on whether or not single or in a relationship. It can appear at anytime, anywhere, and on any occasion. It can happen in a crowded room as easily it can happen when you lie down to sleep at night. Loneliness can be discouraging and annoying all at the same time.

That being said how do you deal with it? What is the key to releasing it from your mind? As stated before there is no one solution to getting rid of loneliness. Sorry to say but you will never get rid of it for it always has its way of creeping up on you. The way to deal with loneliness is to learn to be lonely and to be comfortable with the feeling. Not sure what I mean? We shall use the superhero Hulk for an example. Bruce Banner turns into an ugly green monster (aka Hulk) when he gets angry. If you watched the movie Avengers, one of Hulk’s key lines is when he answers Captain America’s request for him to get angry. His response? I’m always angry. Say what? Through the process of time Bruce Banner (Hulk) learned that in order to avoid struggling with his anger and risk being Hulk at any moment, he should embrace his anger as a part of him and learn to live with it. I know he’s just a fictional Superhero but I believe he has a point. If you take this example and apply it to loneliness you will find a different outlook on life. Instead of avoiding it and pretending that it doesn’t exist, you must face the fact that there will be times you will get that alone-in-a-crowded-room feeling. Let’s face it, you are human and there will be moments of weakness. Now that we know we are lonely, in order for us to start the learning process we should identify what makes you lonely. As said in before, for me loneliness comes when it seems that everyone else’s life is flying by and I’m still stuck at a crossroad. There is no way I can avoid this loneliness unless I avoid having friends. Since that’s not going to happen, I have to learn to embrace the fact that when those times come, I will be lonely. So what do you do? One aspect of learning to be lonely is not bottle it in. Let it out and vent to a friend if necessary. Choose a trusted confidant whether it is your parents, your pastor, your co-worker, your best friend from high school, or your mate. Don’t have one? Go get one. I can hear you say it’s easier said than done Christa. Yes it is, friendships do take work and although some friendships can start overnight, others take years for bonding. Despite this fact, you need a confidant to encourage you and give you an unbiased perspective. Some tips of finding a friend: Be yourself. It’s no good when you are pretending to be someone else just because they might not like you. Be friendly. (Aren’t you glad you read this?) The Bible states that a man that hath friends must show himself friendly. No one wanted to be Scrooge’s friend until he became a friendly dude. Give of yourself. Don’t be leech and suck all your friend’s finances and time. You have a give a little to get a little and you have to give a lot to get a lot. Have a good listening ear. Don’t be that one friend that talks all the time about nothing important and never listens to what people say. Once you have friends, confide in them. They are there to encourage and support you. Sometimes it’s just good enough for me to talk it out with someone and that’s all I need. Don’t keep all your feelings inside as an effort to pretend that you are strong. You are a human and you have feelings, so show them. If you bottle it up, you will end up causing further problems down the road. Believe me…I used to be that way. I would hold it all inside until it was too much to bear then I would erupt and hurt everyone around me. I ended up destroying more friendships that way than building them.

It’s not easy being lonely. In fact it’s just plain difficult but we shouldn’t let it make us desperate for a mate or a friend in order to avoid the feeling. Don’t be afraid to be lonely and don’t beat yourself up over the feelings that God has given you. Instead, use it to get closer to the friends you have by confiding in them. Use it as way to become comfortable with you as a person. Learn to be lonely…

Until next time,

Be Happy Being Single

Always Remember to Sing in the Rain

Christa

P.S. Look for part two soon!!!