Amazing
Grace how Sweet the Sound
That
Saved a Wretch Like Me
I
Once was Lost but Now am Found
Was
Blind but Now I See
It was Sunday morning a few weeks after my life-changing moment had taken place. As my
friends and I stood on the platform facing the congregation, my stomach
threatened to get up and walk away. I tried my best to keep all traces of
nervousness under control. Silently I prayed, closed my eyes, and took a deep
breath. I faced the congregation again and saw looks of anticipation. “No
pressure” I thought to myself. A note was played on the piano and my friend
started to sing the first verse of Amazing Grace. I struggled to keep my
composure until it was my turn to join in the quartet. We finished the song and
I felt such relief. I allowed my knees and hands to shake as I walked to take
my seat in the congregation. As I sat there listening to the pastor’s message,
I contemplated the words of the song we had just finished singing and the story
of the man who wrote it: John Newton. A man whose story was marred by sin that
turned into a story of God’s grace and forgiveness to man. I reflected on my
life changing moment which also involved grace and at once realized what John
Newton was trying to say. Growing up in church, I have sung Amazing Grace so
many times over that it has become second nature to me. I became like a robot
spewing lifeless words that vanished as quickly as they were spoken. I used to
sing it without feeling and without reflection on how amazing God’s grace was. My
attitude changed on that Sunday morning when I started looking at it like I was
a human in need of God’s grace.
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be married. From the
moment of the first wedding that I attended, I was determined to be married.
Fast forward life until now and you won’t be hard-pressed to find a bridal
magazine or two in my bedroom with the pages well-worn and folded over to mark
my favorite bridal gowns. You wouldn’t have to search long on my computer to
find pictures of wedding cakes, flowers, and bridesmaid dresses. My internet
history would show a visit to various bridal gown sites looking for the perfect
dress. I have had dreams (and nightmares) of what my wedding would be like.
Sometimes I close my eyes and try to imagine every detail, every sound, and
every moment of how my wedding would be. I had mostly everything worked out
besides who I would marry. That’s always the last piece of the puzzle, right
girls? Through the years, I have watched many girls find boyfriends who
eventually turned into husbands while I sat by waiting for just one boyfriend. I
have wondered what I was doing wrong that made boys shun me like the plague.
All the while my self-confidence dwindled. At first I was too fat, then I was
too sarcastic, next I was too unorganized, and finally I was too honest. I
started analyzing my personality traits to see if they would turn anyone off. I
started trying to shape my personality to what I thought the perfect guy would
like. Surprise, that didn’t work I was still single. I then started to lose
weight (and still am) and even though that is a very good thing, that didn’t
work to bring a guy either. I tried to become organized in my life and realized
that I hate organization. Then I started to hold back on my opinions and not be
so loud or sarcastic. I found out that I was miserable and dropped that idea
like a hot potato. Then and only then, did I start really seeking God’s answer.
Little by little this year God had begun to reveal to me glimpses of what the
answer is. A few weeks before my life changing moment, I fasted and God pointed
out that I truly needed to be content with being single for the rest of my
life. He showed me the example of Paul who begged God to take away his
infirmity but God for some reason refused. God told me what I really knew in
the back of mind as the truth. I wasn’t truly happy or content. It has always
bothered me that I only could be truly happy when I had a crush or when I
thought a guy liked me.
Two weeks later, God revealed the full answer to my burning question of
why I was still single. Our church had revival and the preacher read this
verse: 2 Corinthians 2:9 “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee;
for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I
rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” As
he started to preach, God started to work in my heart and by the end of the
service my eyes were brimming with tears. I didn’t go to the altar that night
because the answer I had sought was given. I heard His voice as clear as bell
as if He was standing right in front of me. What did God say? The reason why I
was single because I needed to learn that God’s grace is sufficient for me. No
man, no human, and no amount of things or money will be sufficient. I needed to
learn that the answer to my trial was not that God would grant me a husband but
that I need to rely on God’s grace alone. I needed to be content and I needed
to be truly happy without thoughts of a guy.
John Newton wrote it so eloquently in one of the lesser known verses of
Amazing Grace “The earth shall soon dissolve like snow, the sun forbear to
shine, But God who called me here below, Shall be forever mine.” My contentment
and happiness comes not from this world but from God. He will be forever mine. I
finally have found the happiness that I had prayed to God for. I knew that God
had heard and God had answered my prayer. What a joy! At this point in time, I
am not sure if I will be ever married. One thing I am sure of is that God’s
grace is sufficient for me all the time. That’s a fact!!
As always,
Be Happy Being Single
Always Remember to Sing in the Rain
Christa
