The Answer

Amazing Grace how Sweet the Sound

That Saved a Wretch Like Me

I Once was Lost but Now am Found

Was Blind but Now I See

It was Sunday morning a few weeks after my  life-changing moment had taken place. As my friends and I stood on the platform facing the congregation, my stomach threatened to get up and walk away. I tried my best to keep all traces of nervousness under control. Silently I prayed, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. I faced the congregation again and saw looks of anticipation. “No pressure” I thought to myself. A note was played on the piano and my friend started to sing the first verse of Amazing Grace. I struggled to keep my composure until it was my turn to join in the quartet. We finished the song and I felt such relief. I allowed my knees and hands to shake as I walked to take my seat in the congregation. As I sat there listening to the pastor’s message, I contemplated the words of the song we had just finished singing and the story of the man who wrote it: John Newton. A man whose story was marred by sin that turned into a story of God’s grace and forgiveness to man. I reflected on my life changing moment which also involved grace and at once realized what John Newton was trying to say. Growing up in church, I have sung Amazing Grace so many times over that it has become second nature to me. I became like a robot spewing lifeless words that vanished as quickly as they were spoken. I used to sing it without feeling and without reflection on how amazing God’s grace was. My attitude changed on that Sunday morning when I started looking at it like I was a human in need of God’s grace.

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be married. From the moment of the first wedding that I attended, I was determined to be married. Fast forward life until now and you won’t be hard-pressed to find a bridal magazine or two in my bedroom with the pages well-worn and folded over to mark my favorite bridal gowns. You wouldn’t have to search long on my computer to find pictures of wedding cakes, flowers, and bridesmaid dresses. My internet history would show a visit to various bridal gown sites looking for the perfect dress. I have had dreams (and nightmares) of what my wedding would be like. Sometimes I close my eyes and try to imagine every detail, every sound, and every moment of how my wedding would be. I had mostly everything worked out besides who I would marry. That’s always the last piece of the puzzle, right girls? Through the years, I have watched many girls find boyfriends who eventually turned into husbands while I sat by waiting for just one boyfriend. I have wondered what I was doing wrong that made boys shun me like the plague. All the while my self-confidence dwindled. At first I was too fat, then I was too sarcastic, next I was too unorganized, and finally I was too honest. I started analyzing my personality traits to see if they would turn anyone off. I started trying to shape my personality to what I thought the perfect guy would like. Surprise, that didn’t work I was still single. I then started to lose weight (and still am) and even though that is a very good thing, that didn’t work to bring a guy either. I tried to become organized in my life and realized that I hate organization. Then I started to hold back on my opinions and not be so loud or sarcastic. I found out that I was miserable and dropped that idea like a hot potato. Then and only then, did I start really seeking God’s answer. Little by little this year God had begun to reveal to me glimpses of what the answer is. A few weeks before my life changing moment, I fasted and God pointed out that I truly needed to be content with being single for the rest of my life. He showed me the example of Paul who begged God to take away his infirmity but God for some reason refused. God told me what I really knew in the back of mind as the truth. I wasn’t truly happy or content. It has always bothered me that I only could be truly happy when I had a crush or when I thought a guy liked me.

Two weeks later, God revealed the full answer to my burning question of why I was still single. Our church had revival and the preacher read this verse: 2 Corinthians 2:9 “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” As he started to preach, God started to work in my heart and by the end of the service my eyes were brimming with tears. I didn’t go to the altar that night because the answer I had sought was given. I heard His voice as clear as bell as if He was standing right in front of me. What did God say? The reason why I was single because I needed to learn that God’s grace is sufficient for me. No man, no human, and no amount of things or money will be sufficient. I needed to learn that the answer to my trial was not that God would grant me a husband but that I need to rely on God’s grace alone. I needed to be content and I needed to be truly happy without thoughts of a guy.

John Newton wrote it so eloquently in one of the lesser known verses of Amazing Grace “The earth shall soon dissolve like snow, the sun forbear to shine, But God who called me here below, Shall be forever mine.” My contentment and happiness comes not from this world but from God. He will be forever mine. I finally have found the happiness that I had prayed to God for. I knew that God had heard and God had answered my prayer. What a joy! At this point in time, I am not sure if I will be ever married. One thing I am sure of is that God’s grace is sufficient for me all the time. That’s a fact!!

As always,

Be Happy Being Single

Always Remember to Sing in the Rain

Christa