What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
this world can’t satisfy?
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?
“I really think that he is the
one!” I excitedly told my friend as we sat in the nursery discussing relationships.
I had met this tall, dark and handsome young man at another church and I had convinced
myself that he was the one. I had only talked to him for a brief moment but I knew
that he was the one I was destined to marry. Starry-eyed and a little
stalkerish, I found him on Facebook. He had a wonderful name and a lot of
friends. I sent the friend request with some hesitation. I only met him for a
second but I sent him a somewhat cheery message saying how I met him and invited
him to a get together our group was having. He accepted my friend request but
not the invitation to the get together. A little disappointed but still
determined, I continued to look for opportunities for us to meet again and soon
a well-known speaker came to our church. I was absolutely sure he would come
and we would meet and he would ask me out and we would live happily ever after.
This run-on sentence was my exact thought that day as I sent him a message
inviting him to the services. He seemed excited and said that he might come. I
was on cloud nine. That whole week I waited anxiously for him to come to church
and sweep me off my feet but he never did. It was all in vain. A few weeks
later his relationship status changed from Single
to In a Relationship. Dun, dun,
dun, the curse struck again. This was literally the tenth time that the curse
had shattered my dreams. I let myself get caught up in the moment and my world
came crashing down around me. I had put so much expectation and time into something
that I knew wasn’t worth it. I was disappointed in myself for letting myself
run free and uncontrolled. There was no one to blame but me.
My life has an unusual way of
repeating itself in others. Two of my friends have gone through the same kind
of disappointment this year: one has reacted the correct way, the other
unfortunately has not. I know everyone reacts differently to disappointments.
Some people hole themselves up in a room for a day or so, others seek to find
revenge on the one who disappointed them, some distract themselves by staying
busy, some cry endless tears, others bottle it up inside to pretend they’re
strong. There is no blueprint or recipe for dealing with disappointments. Yet I
can assure you this that there are right ways and there are wrong ways in
dealing with disappointment. I think many people chose to react the wrong way
because along with disappointment comes the aching hurt that can’t be
satisfied. When you finally thought you found what your heart craved most and
that maybe, just maybe God was finally answering your prayer only to find out that
your heart will have to continue on craving. How could this happen? Our minds
immediately go to the questions, “What did I do to make this happen? Could this
have been avoided? How do I make this right?” followed by tears and the emphatic
statements “I hate him/her. I’ll never speak to him/her again.” We get carried
away by emotions and that in itself is normal. You are going to be hurt because
it was something your heart strongly desired. The point is not to let your
emotions run your life. Take control of them and don’t get swept away in a
current of hurt. The farther downstream you go the harder you have to work to
get back on track.
If you google dealing with
disappointments you’ll find hundreds even thousands of different sure ways to
deal with it. Being no stranger to disappointments (I’ve had quite a few) I shall
now add my four not-so-easy ways. Excited yet? It takes time and it is hard but
it works for me. Without further introduction here are my ways in dealing with disappointments.
First, everyone in the world does not need to know that you are hurting inside
or needs to know every text and word that was spoken. Please talk to your
friends, they can support you in getting through this but don’t take an ad out
in the New York Times announcing it. Second, let yourself let it go. Time heals
all wounds is one of the worst clichés I’ve ever heard. Time does not heal
emotional scars. Rose Kennedy says it best “It has been said, 'time heals all
wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its
sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”
Emotional scars never heal. They will always be there lurking in the shadows
until the most opportune moment comes for them to resurface. Give yourself some
time to deal with what life has so cruelly handed you. Most times I just need
to come to terms with it. Once I have done that I can proceed to the next step.
Third, forgive yourself and others. Your very next thought after a disappointment
occurs is probably not forgiveness. Yet we have moved on from that. It’s time
to put this to rest. If it was all your fault and doing, forgive yourself for
making a mistake. You are a human, it didn’t turn out the way you expected,
forgive yourself and learn from your mistake. If it was someone else’s fault,
forgive them as well. You don’t have to be the best of friends after that. They
have broken your trust and they need to prove to you that they are worth
trusting again. You will find that forgiveness will greatly ease the pain
caused by them. Finally, realize that this disappointment could save you even
greater disappointment down the road. I’ve had many things disappointment me
only to find out later down the road that I was saved a lot of hurt. It was a
blessing that I went through the disappointment so early before I got so
involved that I would be devastated and unable to move on. I am an optimist by
trade so it comes easier to see the “bright” side in life. If it’s harder for
you determine in your heart that you refuse to dwell on the negative and do it.
Life will have its share of
disappointments and it’s almost guaranteed that every one of them will hurt.
There will be major and minor disappointments but remember don’t let it beat
you and don’t ever let it turn you bitter. That’s not good for anyone. Until
next time,
Be Happy Being Single
Always Remember to Sing in the
Rain
Christa
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